Well Bro, War stories begin two ways; Once upon a time, and This ain't no shit......
Well, This ain't no shit.......
Here I am sittin' at the foundry on Thanksgiving. I've got no food, the alarm is all fucked up, so the company is calling every hour, the temperature dropped down into the forties, and I'm just generally pissed off at the world.
About the only thing I've got going for me is the little black and white TV. So I'm watchin' the tube and the Thanksgiving Day Parade comes on. O.K., I figure, this might be good for some upskirt shots on the little band cheerleaders.
Well, my favorite of the Macy's parade has always been the balloons. Well it seems the wind was pretty good in New York. As the Cat in the Hat came down the street, he started bouncing off shit. His hat deflated (the balloons are divided into separate cells), and continued crashing into trees and such. He hit a light post, and knocked it over, sending three to the hospital. All the balloon wranglers brought their lines in on the other characters, keeping them only a few feet off the ground. Except for one. Barney, the purple Anti-Christ came lumbering down the street, and came to a halt right in front of the cameras. His huge purple bulk began gyrating to moves of some satanic force, and the Barney Wranglers were having a hell of a time keeping the purple lump-o-shit under control. As he began bouncing towards the crowd, a lone heroic figure in blue rushed forward. An NYPD officer seized the initiative, and at the risk of his own life, assessed, and controlled the situation. As I watched with glee, this solitary guardian of truth, justice, and the American Way, ran forth producing an edged weapon, and proceeded to slay the Beast. As Barney toppled forward, loosing the volume of hot air that gave him life, this brave officer hopped onto the belly of the monster, and jabbing his knife into Barney, slit him with a continuos slice that looked about four feet long. Barney, in his death throes, was collected quickly, and the camera was changed to show a different scene. Did I see what I thought I saw? I asked myself. Was this a hallucination similar to those damn sugarplums dancing in my head last Christmas? I watched the news at 5:00. There it was, the same scene. With reports that adults in the crowd even cheered the Cop on. Some reports showed the ill-fated cat, but not the Barney incident. One report even showed the incident in slo-mo. Yes, I have to admit, Even when someone has shit in your Easter Basket on Thanksgiving, if you look hard enough, you will find some small event that will bring a smile to your face.
an interesting, serious commentary on... Barney?