Paper Altimeters and other Student Pilot Humor
An original humor page by Louise Parsons
Unless otherwise indicated, all works are © 2002 Louise Parsons. Permission to reprint is hereby granted for non-profit use only. No reproduction by or on commercial pages or other publications is permitted. No other form of reproduction for material gain is permitted. Please respect my moral rights to my creative works and my right to determine the venues in which it is reproduced!
"Is it a compliment to say that your flight instructor is a down-to-earth person ?" -unk.
Do stop by again. Flying is very serious, but some fun provides balance! This frivolity will occasionally be re-visited!

Paper Altimeters
Paper altimeter problems have an amusing aura of unreality. Like, there you are staring intently at an altimeter surrounded by IFR whiteness of a sheet of paper with absolutely no context whatsoever. And those paper things have really weird hands! In actual flight, we are taught to lookoutside and peek inside. Then along come these Paper Instrument Exercises seemingly designed to promote Fixation. And then those questions....If you don't know where you are within ten-thousand feet, you have a Serious Problem.
©2002 Louise Parsons

There are plenty of lawyer, doctor, teacher, etc. jokes, but have you heard a flight instructor joke? Well for sure CFI's are as a group much more revered than lawyers. I would imagine that it is rare for a student to dislike their instructor. But we still need to have at least a few CFI jokes. So I made this one up:

How do you know when a flight instructor is telling you the truth?


He/She isn't distracting you!

©2002 Louise Parsons

OK, this is a true story: "Podunk Tower, I am a student pilot unfamiliar with your area."

"Student pilot, ATC is familiar with student pilots"
©2002 Louise Parsons

Humor at Albany
The FBO has a sticker that says, "Get a Higher Education. Learn to Fly at Reliant Aviation." --Louise

Zeno's Paradox Applied to Flying
Setting-up and making a stabilized approach was more challenging learning for me than actually landing. Full of anticipation, at this point I had more trouble relaxing! Gee, I wish I had thought of Zeno's Paradox during those early lessons! Zeno was a Greek philosopher. He was probably the Real Father of Calculus or Such. Anyway Zeno ruminated thus: For a runner to get from Point A to Point B, he must first traverse half the distance --then half the remaining distance --and then half the remaining remaining distance --ad infinitum. Now no one can perform an infinite number of steps in a finite amount of time....Therefore Motion is an Impossibility! All Motion is but an Illusion!
Flying is therefore but a Figment of our Imagination and we are the product of the Illusions of a Higher Education.
Ahhh!!! Now I can relax! As gently on the infinite glide slope and to finally grease a landing eyego ©2002 Louise Parsons

The Other "Outer Marker" ?
My first night lesson included a bit of humor. From Albany, my CFI told me to head towards Independence. This course took us nearly over a smelly pulp mill. As the sulphurous fumes penetrated the cockpit, he said, "Aha, we are passing the odor-marker!". © 2002 Louise Parsons

Checkride Humor
At the conclusion of the oral portion of my checkride, the DE said, "Now I would like to walk around your plane for a moment and ask you a few questions. He first pointed to the long ADF antenna and said, "So....what is this big wire for? Is that holding your plane together?". © 2002 Louise Parsons

Tales from My College Days

I studied geography and geology back in the not too distant days when women were compelled to wear skirts to class. Figuratively, our Daddies had come home from The War and were determined to get the working women back home --and understandably --to enjoy said comforts. We had to dress-up even more for dinner, wearing those awful itchy nylon stockings and tortuous garters. I was one of three women in the program, so you can imagine we 'girls' took considerable teasing. I can't say any of it was harassment really, because I was lucky enough to attend a relatively small and friendly college. As is true now, men of quality never felt threatened by a woman of equality. Even then, I considered "the battle of the sexes" kind of trite. I still do.

These stories took place more than thirty-five years ago, so my specific memory is a bit hazy, even if I was willing to name names ::smiles::. I was absolutely and hopelessly crazy about seaplanes and bought, begged, or bummed rides whenever possible. Occasionally, even with a fist full of baby-sitting money, I still had to beg a pilot to take a girl for a ride. One successful windy day as we docked, the pilot noticed to his consternation that the control lock (Me: "Oh, you mean that big elastic thingy that looks like a garter.") was missing from his plane. He politely ignored me. So while he fumed and searched, I quickly slid my stockings off, offering the silly stuff to temporarily bind the controls. It worked, but the embarrassed fellow carefully covered the nylon rigging with his jacket when he remembered that the plane was about to be fueled!

When I was a freshman, I begged to be allowed to take meteorology. The fellas in that class really ribbed me. We had a weather station on the roof of a stately old building. A small door recessed into the roof line provided access to a large platform with a wonderful array of instruments. Unlike some of the guys who would sleep in, fake pilot status, and call the local airport --I never failed to show for my turn at early morning "obs". One morning it was snowing heavily, a lovely Pennsylvania snow. Lost in dreams of being with Admiral Byrd or Paul Siple on an Antarctic expedition, I enjoyed the rooftop view and peered at snowflakes and frost features with my hand lens. When class was about to start, I quickly headed for the little door, only to find it locked. Since it could only be locked from the inside, I knew that I was the victim of yet another prank! Knowing that male chivalry would soon provide a chance for revenge, I quietly waited for my "rescuers" abeam the door, armed with a gauge bucket full of snow. Speed and guile had so often been my best defenses. When the door opened, I quickly hurled the bucket's contents. To my horror I plastered our very distinguished Met Professor in his three-piece suit with snow!
© 2002 Louise Parsons

My all-time favorite pilot joke: Even though I have passed my checkride, this page will continue. We are student pilots for life, even as we upgrade. Here is my fave joke, not original here!
Q. How do you know if someone you meet is a pilot?
Ans. You don't have to wait long, she or he will tell you!

Sayings, Slogans, and "Do-it's" (Slightly Off.)(These are NOT original here, but widely circulated)

FLYING - The most fun you can have with you clothes on!
Air traffic controllers do it with minimum seperation .
Pilots do it with thrust.
FLY.COM crashed.
(A)bort (R)etry (B)ailout FLY.COM down.
Air Resistance is a drag.
Radar Controllers do it in the dark.


The pilot and co-pilot pair;
Their relationship's up in the air.
Have to keep them apart,
Or the feuding will start.
There is just too much turbulence there. (Kirk Miller)

Page updated 10/01/02

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